DICKHEAD BORDER AGENT

I went to Canada to do some comedy recently
 

I almost didn’t get into the country

 

I had trouble at the border

The border agent had a bunch of questions for me

 

He was like

What are you doing in Canada?

 

I said

I’m here to do some comedy

He said

Are you getting paid to perform?

I go

No

He goes

 What’s the point of doing work and not getting paid

 And I was like

 Okay this guy has no idea how standup comedy works

 Then he said that he thought I was lying

And that I was here to get paid under the table

 He asked me if I had a work permit

 I said

 No ‘cuz I’m not getting paid to do anything

 And he goes

 Well if you do end up working here in Canada

 Your gonna need a work permit

 We don’t need you coming up here and taking away Canadian jobs

 And for the first time I understood how it felt to be Mexican in this country

 I was just another illegal alien to this guy

 A Canadian Mexican

 I was outraged

 I had to resist the urge to drive without insurance

 Or become a Raiders fan

 Struggling with my new identity

Taking away Canadian jobs

Yeah

Is the lumber mill hiring

How bout the shitty lite beer factory

 

I’m lookin’ for a gig

Taking away Canadian jobs

I said

Don’t worry

I’m not here to take away any Canadian jobs

 

And I’m definitely not here to apply for a position as dickhead border agent

It’s already been filled