My neighbors are shitty
This is a letter that I got on my front door one day
"January 2012
Mr. Milton,
Over half a dozen tenants have expressed disapproval in your behavior and concern for
your well-being.
Tenants of the Alps Apartments , both new and old residents, report feeling "unnerved"
by you or "scared" of you.
Tenants have reported observing you frequently under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
Several female residents have reported that you often make "threatening eye contact",
which makes them feel unsafe.
Although these claims have not been substantiated, it is our obligation to inform you that
the Seattle Police Department has been notified that you pose a risk for sexual predatory
behavior.
It is understood that you have an embarrassing job, zero education, no girlfriend, zero
friends, and are obviously bald.
Although these are all reasonable causes for serious depression, this does not excuse
hostile behavior which makes other Alps residents feel that their personal safety may be
in jeopardy.
Tenants are not responsible for your personal failures and physical ugliness.
It is our recommendation that you think critically about why you became an
underacheiver, and what steps you may take in order to stop being a lifeless loser.
You will be evicted from the Alps Apartments if other residents continue to report
feeling threatened.
Alps MGMT"
I got into it with my next door neighbor down in the laundry room awhile back
This is a letter that I got on my front door one day
"January 2012
Mr. Milton,
Over half a dozen tenants have expressed disapproval in your behavior and concern for
your well-being.
Tenants of the Alps Apartments , both new and old residents, report feeling "unnerved"
by you or "scared" of you.
Tenants have reported observing you frequently under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
Several female residents have reported that you often make "threatening eye contact",
which makes them feel unsafe.
Although these claims have not been substantiated, it is our obligation to inform you that
the Seattle Police Department has been notified that you pose a risk for sexual predatory
behavior.
It is understood that you have an embarrassing job, zero education, no girlfriend, zero
friends, and are obviously bald.
Although these are all reasonable causes for serious depression, this does not excuse
hostile behavior which makes other Alps residents feel that their personal safety may be
in jeopardy.
Tenants are not responsible for your personal failures and physical ugliness.
It is our recommendation that you think critically about why you became an
underacheiver, and what steps you may take in order to stop being a lifeless loser.
You will be evicted from the Alps Apartments if other residents continue to report
feeling threatened.
Alps MGMT"
I got into it with my next door neighbor down in the laundry room awhile back
She was using both washers
And she was a total bitch when I asked her
How much longer it was gonna be
She goes
'You'll just have to come back later'
And she shut the door in my face
And I didn't understand what her problem was until the other day
When I saw her walk out of her apt holding hands with another woman
Then it hit me
She's a lesbian!
That's why shes so unhappy!?
'Cuz she got all agro with me in the laundry room
There was like an alpha male vibe that didn't make sense at the time
But then I saw her with her gf
And I realized
'Oh, she hates me 'cuz I have a dick'
And you'd think that she wouldn't feel threatened by my boner
I mean
Compared to me she has so much going for herself
She's got a job
A girlfriend
Clean laundry
All the things a woman is looking for in another woman
She drives a sports utility vehicle
A big one
With a V8
She's clearly compensating for something
To get her back for the laundry room incident
I went down to the garage
And put some truck nuts on her car
They were gone a week later
So I don't know how much mileage they got
But it just makes me smile to think about people driving
On the freeway next to Chaz Bono in a Pathfinder with truck nuts
