JAY-WALKING IN LAKE CITY

I was in Lake City a couple years ago

It was a Sunday nite and I had gone to a stripclub

Walking back from the stripclub I jay-walked across the street to the bus stop

When I arrived at the bus stop I saw that there was a dude there

I asked him what time it was

He said 12:15

I looked at the bus stop schedule to calculate my wait

Next thing I know, a cop car pulls up sideways with hazard lights flashing

Yelling "Hands outta your pockets! Hands outta your pockets!"

In a moment of confusion, I must admit that my first thought was to look at

the other guy at the bus stop (who was black) like "Dude, what did you do?"

Then I realized that the cops were talking to me!

My next thought was "Do I have cocaine on me?"

I didn't but the cops were so serious I felt a moment of panic that I would get

frisked and they would find drugs

The alpha male cop told to me sit on the front of the cop car

He asked for my ID

I gave it to him

When I asked what this was concerning

He said "You were jay-walking"

I started laughing

He said "What's so funny?"

I said "Well, I'm sure there's someone getting raped or something right now

And your nailing me with jay-walking"

Me and this cop were not hitting it off

He said he didn't like my attitude

I said "Stop it, your hurting my feelings"

Then he said that I didn't have any respect for the cops and I would never make it

in the military or some shit like that

I said "Actually, I was in the Navy for 5 yrs"

Without missing a beat, Officer Dickface goes "I was in the Marines"

I go "Cool, bro"

After that, Officer Dickface informed me that normally he let jay-walkers off with

a warning but since I was so lippy he was going to give me the biggest ticketable

fine allowable by law - $65 dollars

Which basically means that he wasn't ticketing me for jay-walking but for

'being lippy'

A couple days later, I went to court to have the case mediated by a judge

The charges were dropped but I still had to pay the $27 court fee

Justice!