ROOMATES

I'm glad I don't have roommates anymore

You sacrifice a lot when you have roommates

You exchange certain personal freedoms for cheaper rent

So with a roommate now you can afford cable

But you can't walk around the house naked

Maybe not such a big deal at first

But when it's July in Seattle

And you don't have air conditioning

Things can get a little awkward

Especially when your roommate comes home

And finds you watching I Love Lucy reruns without any pants on

You got some 'splaining to do

It's hard living with people

You ever wake up in the morning

And all you wanna do is eat a bowl of cereal

Only to find that someone ate all your fucking cereal?

Then when you confront them about it

"Oh sorry bro

I got hungry"

You got hungry?

Wow, what a coincidence!

Yeah, I had that same problem a few minutes ago

Figured I'd eat some cereal!

And there's only one way to solve this problem

I had to start buying food that no one else would eat

No more Lucky Charms

From now on its Grape Nuts or Mueslix

You ever had Grape Nuts?

I dunno why they call it that

There's no grapes in there

No nuts either

Just little tiny pieces of gravel

I had a bowl of Grape Nuts

It took me an hour to eat it

And I got lockjaw for a week

You ever had Mueslix?

You ever had stomach cramps?

It’s the same thing

Holy smokes

200 grams of fiber per serving

You might as well get kicked in the stomach by a horse for breakfast