ME, EDDIE VEGA AND EDDIE COLLINS

I'm actually doing pretty good in life

Compared to some of the guys I grew up with

I was down in California with one of the guys I grew up with

He's doing alright I guess

He's on disability from the Army now

He hurt his back or something

But he was telling me about a couple of the other guys we knew

So there's me a comedian

Then there's this guy on disability for the rest of his life

Popping vicodins

And shit

There's another guy who's a meth addict

And former cross-dressing homosexual prostitute

I swear to God

Another guy Rob who no one's heard from

Last we heard he got arrested for passing bad checks

So he's gone

And last but not least

There's our friend Eddie Collins

Who's an atheist rapper

Not an atheist and a rapper

He raps about atheism

Which is prolly why no one's ever heard of him

Who wants to hear a guy rap about infinite universes

That's boring

Poor Eddie Vega though man

That's the guy I was telling you about who smokes meth

And used to blow dudes

I think about him whenever I have a bad show

And feel like my life sucks

Whenever I start to feel like my self-esteem is slipping away

I say

Well it could be worse

You could be like your old friend Eddie Vega

Smoking meth

And blowing dudes

And no offense if blowing other dudes is your thing

I'm just saying I would rather bomb a comedy show

I prefer to swallow my pride