NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH GUIDE

Welcome to Chinatown!

Or, as it is now known thanks to political correctness, the

International District

The International District is a very diverse place

We have great restaurants, interesting shops and African-Americans with

questionable intent

The streets are littered with cigarette butts and empty cans of Mickey's

Iced

If you live here and need to get up early for work, don't worry; a car alarm

will go off every 17 minutes

Because we live in such an exciting part of town, we have recently

begun a Neighborhood Watch Program

The Neighborhood Watch Program aims to provide protection for our

community by working hand-in-hand with politically corrupt city officials

and the inept Seattle police department, who will do their

best to shoot innocent people in the chest whilst allowing crackheads

carte blanche

The Neighborhood Watch Program is a successful effort that has been

in effect for over thirty years

Supported by the National Sheriff's Association since 1972, the

Neighborhood Watch Program is helping the public eradicate residential

crime in their neighborhoods.

The program's "success" is based on the commitment of the public 

and their local police department to work together to ignore

crime in their communities

Residents not only take care of their own run-down homes and businesses,

but also those of their unemployed neighbors

By taking a passive role in the protection of their families

and possessions, residents are better able to encourage criminal

activity and keep their neighborhoods unsafe

Joining a neighborhood watch program is as simple as locating one in

your neighborhood and attending a meeting