*talk as loud as you can
*relate the most mundane details of your life to the nearest passersby
*please walk around everywhere with the Bluetooth headset. You Are That Important!
*under no circumstances should you use discretion when discussing personal
business
*please text while driving or walking in crowded areas
*feel free to send complete strangers incriminating photos of yourself naked
*when you are texting, under no circumstances should you use capital letters,
complete sentences, etc.
Instead, use emoticons & socially approved acronyms such as LOL, LMAO, ROFL,
YOLO, etc.
*if you catch other people in embarrassing situations, it is imperative that you film this
w/ your phone
Embarassing situations include: being arrested, being caught masturbating, pissing in
public, puking, shitting your pants, getting your ass kicked, trying to pop a wheelie
on a Hayabusa, singing off-key to 80’s music or anything else that would lower other
people’s perception of you further than it already is and make a good YouTube video
*when you are bored or feeling socially awkward, whip out your phone & pretend to
call someone or read/write a text message i.e."pull a Ty Barnett"
*if possible, spring for the phone holster. This will impress others
*everytime someone actually does call or text you, act annoyed
*purchase annoying ringtones and play them at ridiculously loud levels every chance
you get, even when you are just walking down the street & especially if you use public
transportation
If you are African-American, you MUST do this
No exceptions!
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